Here's what being intentionally single looks like...
"I want to get married, I just can't find the right person."
At least, that's the most used line for those who have made the decision to be intentionally single.
"Intentionally single? No. I really want to get married, it's just that meeting the right person is hard. Everyone ELSE has so much baggage. As soon as I meet the right one, I'll know it, and I'll get married right away."
Being intentionally single is the same as getting intentionally married. They're both decisions that require actions which will lead to end results. Too often we're so used to stating how badly we desire love and commitment, but move in directions which pull us further away from it. Saying, "I want to get married," begins to flow from your mouth just as easily as, "I want fried chicken for dinner," but you haven't thawed chicken, don't want to drive to the market, and a restaurant just feels too far to drive to at this moment so you'll settle for cereal instead.
When you're being intentional about entering relationships you have very little time to waste on pointless courtships, unavailable situationships, or anything and anyone who won't help you achieve that goal. You'll surround yourself with those who are serious about love, and will identify marriage-minded men or women quickly.
If you've become comfortable talking about marriage, but have done very little to move forward, you're being intentionally single.
Let's be honest, marriage is in the man's hands. It's up to the man to decide if he wants to get married and if he's ready. In that way women really have little control over getting married unless they're willing to get on bended-knee. So if a man delay's being intentional about getting married, he's being intentionally single.
On the other hand, women have a lot of power when it comes to deciding where their time and energy goes. So, if the man is intentionally single, she has to cut the relationship off. If not, she's just as intentional about being single as he is.
5 Ways to know you're intentionally single
1. You love drama and fantasy
If you're highly attracted to drama and fantasy type relationships you're intentionally single. The idea of a person is far more attractive than the actual person, and you love the lack of stability the people you're attracted to bring. Deep down inside, you know the relationship won't produce commitment, but ya know- YOLO!
2. You avoid marriage-mind people
Every time you're approached by a man or woman who's seriously ready for love you run. You find a way to sabotage the relationship or suddenly find them unappealing, picking apart quirky flaws as a reason to label them as not your type while ignoring your own quirks and flaws. Whenever someone gets too close you pullback and retrieve into your shell.
3. You avoid opportunities to meet the opposite sex
You don't want to go to house gatherings, single social events, or allow anyone to introduce you to someone. You’ve given up on matrimonial sites and won’t try other marriage solutions. You approach every opportunity with negativity, plus, it's just easier to stay in the house on weekend nights instead of stepping outside of your comfort zone. You may have even decided, when God wants you married he'll send you someone. My guess is you're patiently waiting for God to send the postal worker, pizza delivery person, or whatever random person is expected to pop up at your doorstep. Remember, patience is about what you do while you wait, not just waiting!
4. You're not preparing you life for marriage
Everything about your life says you are intending to be single. Your spending habits, the area you live in, the size of your home, your attachment to materials, the personality traits you refuse to improve because people just need to accept you for who you are. You're growing more selfish and accustomed to only focusing on yourself, deep down inside you like it that way, and the thought of changing scares the crap out of you.
5. You refuse to set the intention to get married
As stated earlier in this article, when you're being intentional about marriage and a serious relationship you don't desire to waste any time on anyone who won't get you closer to that goal. When you won't make the intention to get married, that tends to be because you know it will require truth and action from you. You'll have to cut off the relationships and fantasies which have been draining, but allows you to be content with the lukewarm companionship it offers.
Before you decide to get back on the market, get clear and confident on the perfect person for you. Black Muslim Singles Society has created the Enchanting Muslim Women and Luxe Muslim Men services for men and women, so you can make the right move when you’re ready. You may also want to join our matchmaking Society to meet and marry actively looking Black Muslim Singles.
So what are your thoughts on being intentionally single? Let us know with a comment below!