Feeling Unworthy of Love
Sometimes we meet the right person who wants to give us love, attention, and even commitment then suddenly within kicks in and tells us, “this can’t be real.” We’re overwhelmed with thoughts of unworthiness, disbelief, and a sense of insecurity due to not believing, somewhere deep down inside, that a person can truly love and desire us as they’re saying or displaying. This insecurity leads to sabotaging the relationship. Instincts, or what we believe to be instinct, tells us not to trust this person and it must all be a great big lie. That could be with conflict, creating distractions to make ourselves unavailable, cheating or more.
Relationship sabotaging due to feeling unworthy is not uncommon. Men and women experience this often due to limiting beliefs, past experiences, or an inability to control thoughts and feelings. On Black Muslim Singles Society’s podcast, Courtship Code, we discussed what this looks like in a relationship or marriage, and how to quickly shift away from these actions to have the loving relationship you deserve. We also discussed the new reality show, Chad Loves Michelle, and how Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child, battled with feelings of unworthiness upon getting engaged to her fiance.
Leave us a comment and let us know your thoughts on feeling unworthy of love.
3 Ways to Identify Feelings of Unworthiness
Creating conflict or distractions to push someone away. Suddenly busy? Overly critical? Feeling like the relationship is too good to be true, or their feelings for you are too good to be true, can lead someone who feels unworthy to create conflict or distractions to push someone out of their life. You know you’re not as unavailable as you’re appearing, but it’s safe.
Inability to live in the moment - Instead of fully embracing the love you’re receiving and returning it to the one you desire, you place your energy in past experiences. Constantly traveling back in time and recalling things said or experiences where someone made you feel unworthy or invaluable, and thoughts surface to make you believe your current relationship will be exactly the same. This may cause you to shutdown, run, or create conflict and distractions (see number 1)
Picking partners who are unavailable - Since you don’t feel worthy of love anyways, why not pick someone who feels the same? Picking a partner who is emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable for you coincides with your feelings of being unworthy. It allows you to suffer while also being a victim to your own choices. Deep down, you know this person will reject and never be the one for you, but that doesn’t stop you from placing your energy into this unfulfilling relationship. When it’s all said and done, you’ll be able to tell yourself, “I knew it would never work,” leaving your unworthy feelings to be justified. In reality, this wasn’t about the person. It was all about you and your feelings of being unworthy of love.