Feeling Unworthy of Love

Photo by  @yowiththecamera

Have you ever meet the right person who wants to give you love, attention, and even commitment then suddenly uneasy thoughts kick in and tells you it can’t be real? You’re overwhelmed with thoughts of unworthiness, disbelief, and a sense of insecurity making you disbelieve their feelings are insincere, and that deep down inside this a person can’t truly love and desire you as they say or are displaying? 

Instincts, or what you believe to be instinct, tells you to not trust them and it must all be a great big lie. This insecurity leads to sabotaging the relationship. Sabotaging behaviors such as creating unnecessary conflict, using distractions to make yourself intentionally unavailable, cheating or more.

What’s really being triggered and causing relationship anxiety and a fear of abandonment is a lack of being truly authentic in your courtship and an unnurtured inner child reacting to experiences from your past. Any guilt, shame, or mistakes which haven’t been healed is leading you to feel immensely insecure. The result is low-value behavior.

Relationship sabotaging due to feeling unworthy is not uncommon. Men and women sabotage courtships due to limiting beliefs, past experiences, or an inability to control thoughts and feelings while building a relationship. On the Courtship Code podcast we discussed what this looks like in courtship or marriage, and how to quickly shift away from these actions to have the loving relationship you deserve. We also discussed the new reality show, Chad Loves Michelle, and how Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child, battled with feelings of unworthiness upon getting engaged to her fiance. You can also learn more about ridding yourself of damaging courtship behaviors in our Match Detox or the Match Society.

Healing low-value behaviors and shifting to the powerful, attractive, and confident person you really are can be easily done with intention. It starts with getting to know yourself on a deeper level and learning how to show up in the most authentic version of yourself. Within weeks or even months your low-value behaviors will disappear and you’ll be ready to attract an amazing partner. 


3 Ways to Identify Feelings of Unworthiness

  1. Creating conflict or distractions to push someone away. Suddenly busy? Overly critical? Feeling like the relationship is too good to be true or as though their feelings for you are too good to be true, can lead someone who feels unworthy to create conflict or distractions to push someone out of their life. You know you’re not as unavailable as you’re appearing, but it’s safe.

  2. Inability to live in the moment - Instead of fully embracing the love you’re receiving and returning it to the one you desire, you place your energy in past experiences. Constantly traveling back in time and recalling things said or experiences where someone made you feel unworthy or invaluable, and thoughts surface to make you believe your current relationship will be exactly the same. This may cause you to shutdown, run, or create conflict and distractions (see number 1)

  3. Picking partners who are unavailable - Since you don’t feel worthy of love anyways, why not pick someone who makes you feel it? Picking a partner who is emotionally, mentally or physically unavailable for you coincides with your feelings unworthiness. It allows you to suffer while also being a victim to your own choices. Deep down, you worry and project onto your love interest a fear of rejection and beliefs that they will never be the one for you, but that doesn’t stop you from anxiously placing your energy into this unfulfilling relationship. When it’s all said and done, you’ll be able to tell yourself, “I knew it would never work,” leaving your unworthy feelings to be justified and validated. In reality, this wasn’t about the person. It was all about you and your feelings of being unworthy of love. Most importantly, a reflection of deeper rooted unresolved childhood trauma.


Healing low-value behaviors and shifting to the powerful, attractive, and confident person you really are can be easily done with intention. It starts with getting to know yourself on a deeper level and learning how to show up in the most authentic version of yourself. Within weeks or even months your low-value behaviors will disappear and you’ll be ready to attract an amazing partner.