Men, get out the friend zone and do this...
We received an email from a Match Society member seeking advice about a woman he'd become interested in through online chatting and even a few coffee meetups. So far everything with their relationship over the past five months was great. He’d thought she was an extremely attractive, valuable woman who would make a great wife one day and deserved a real man to show her what love is. She'd had so many bad run-ins with men he didn't want to take the risk and fall short, or have his own heartbroken if she only saw him as a friend. The brother wanted to know how he could move their relationship to the next level and not risk losing her friendship?
Women rarely marry their friends.
There are lots of amazing, loving, masculine, quality men who are secretly in love with a woman they're very close to. These men admire and value their female-friend as a woman of value, and knows the ins and outs of her personality to give her the love and quality relationship she deserves. Men like this are often compassionate, strong, heartfelt men who don't want to rock the boat. They often value the woman so much they fear rejection or losing her altogether so they settle for a friendship when they really want to be her man. This is a form of low-value behavior and feeling unworthy of more out of their relationship.
Many men seeking marriage can confuse the desire to give comfort and support to a woman they're interested in with settling for the friend zone, often missing the mark to engage the sister they desire in a masculine and attractive way. She may want a friendship but you want marriage, and only on blue moons will a woman turn to her long-time friend and suddenly catch romantic feelings.
After implementing the advice below, he was able to get past the cautious, indecisive actions that got him placed in the friend zone, and move towards a courtship that has captured the sister's heart and motivated her to embrace him as a potential husband.
You see, there's a difference between having a friendship and being her friend.
Women want a man they can relate to, joke with, be honest and open with but they also want someone who’s masculinity stimulates them. A man who challenges them and evokes passion. Someone who displays his masculine power of action by leading her to love.
Driving the vehicle too slowly because you're fearful of jumping in headfirst can be good at times, but this slow pace and focus on becoming a friend first may also ruin any chance you may have had at getting the attention of her heart and her feminine desires aroused by you. You want her to desire you, not just feel comfortable with you. If you're simply a friend and in the friend zone, she's not viewing you are a man of desire.
Now, there may be a chance you're in the friend zone because YOU put her in the friend zone, in that case evoking desire is slightly different. Maybe weren’t available because you're in a relationship, not totally attracted to her, your career, or just not ready for a commitment. If so, when you're ready and willing to up the level of the relationship she'll eagerly snatch you out of the friend zone.
But if she's the one friend zoning you, you're just a friend, and you need to change that.
Either she only saw you as a friend from day one, or you missed the mark by exhibiting low-value behaviors. In the beginning you failed to step up properly and put your foot down to let her know you're not just a friend you want love. Perhaps you allowed her one too many times to confide in you about an ex or a guy she's interested in. You were too comfortable talking on the phone and less active with planning quality time and taking action. Too many casual conversations and not enough romantic discussions, compliments, or deep connection building? Or, maybe you don't exemplify the leadership and lion-like qualities to gain her interest and make her desire you. Whatever the reason, if you want her you must get out of the friend zone.
Try these tips:
#1 Cut contact
Disappear for awhile and make her miss you. Be sure that while you're gone 30-90 days, work on some area of your life to become more appealing. This could be fitness, finance, or career. You must also do inner work, along with outer, in order to create real changes that will end low-value behavior.
#2 Stop being her shoulder
Being a shoulder to cry on because her grandmother is in the hospital is good. Being a shoulder to cry on because some loser is playing games with her - bad. Let her know you have no desire to hear her talk about other men as if you're one of her girlfriends.
#3 Put it on the table then walk away
Let your interest be known then walk away. Give her time to decide if she wants to be more than a friend, and if not, let her go. You don't desire to watch her give her all to other men, anyways. You can want to see her happy- from a distance, if it’s not with you. Sometimes women need ultimatums, too. Stand in your Courtship Code, and be decisive about what you’re looking for. Settling for less will get you less.
#4 Meet someone new
You deserve someone who sees your value and is highly attracted to your authentic self. It may be time to expand your network and marriage options by meeting a new, amazing woman.
#5 Step up and show up
If she does open her eyes, make your move and make a big one. Let her see that you can be friends, but you have way more to offer. Step fully into your masculine power of action and competition and win her heart. Outdo yourself and be the irresistible man you truly are.
*Bonus* Women love passion and a challenge.
If you're throwing yourself at her feet you won't be as desirable because essentially you’re showing her you feel unworthy of the woman she is. Increase your confidence by figuring out why you’ve developed limiting beliefs around your personal value.