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Journal and pen to do the exercises and log your progress. Some actions may require access to a phone or computer.
Quiet space and time to complete the exercises. Each should take 15-60 minutes to complete.
Journal and Pen to log and keep track of progress
Meditation and Prayer. I would highly suggest to take 5-15 minutes before every exercise to meditate and or pray to clear your thoughts and mind .
Aromatherapy is great for connecting to your feminine energy and relaxing into the exercises. (optional)
Binaural meditation beats to relax and assist with concentration (optional)
Support. You may need additional support as you go through this course. Participating in the private Captivating Courtship club group is a private outlet for program members. You can share your experiences, thoughts, and questions in the group.
In 2015 I became really frustrated with hearing so many men and women around in the Muslim community complain about the hardship of finding a compatible partner. After taking time to research and dive deep into understanding compatibility and the relationship industry, I made the decision to start Zara J. Matchmaking, which eventually grew to Black Muslim Singles Society.
Throughout the years of working with unmarried men and women I grew even more frustrated with the common themes, and most of all, how much gimmicky information had been fed to people, especially women, about seeking partners. Gimmicks like who should call who, think like a man, don’t show a woman too much interest, and other non-beneficial tactics. This would send me on personal highs and lows, absorbing the heavy energy and load from matchmaking and coaching sessions. This heavy load was impacting my own personal relationships. Attempting to teach people to unlearn gimmicks and make real inner core changes had been no easy task.
It took me years to figure out the correlations between those who went through courtship with a healthy mentality and experience which led to positive* marriage experiences, from those who consistently struggled, repeated the same lessons, and if married continued to painfully struggle in the relationship or divorced.
So I began diving deeper. Piecing together what really mattered. No gimmicks. No, “How to catch and keep a man,” none of that mess. It’s B.S. In fact, I began to despise the relationship industry because of all the lies told to confuse people, leave them frustrated, overthinking, and losing themselves in the process. I’ve been there, I can tell you as proof you can turn this around, very quickly.
I’m going to take you through the exact steps to detox which led to instant changes for my relationship and how I showed up in it which increased my value and self-worth, resulting in real changes and an authentic connection, loving relationship without the stress and strain previously experienced, along with specific ways I’ve assisted unmarried men and women to become husbands and wives and meet their partners. This course is also great for anyone currently in a courtship or married and ready to improve it. Even if you’re currently in a relationship that’s colliding you can turn it around and discern if it’s truly the right relationship for you and confidently exit, if needed.
This program has been especially designed for black Muslims, however, the majority of the information is non specific to race or culture, so it’s open to everyone.
For most, the problem is not meeting a match. What’s leaving them stuck, repeating cycles of bad courtships, relationships, and marriages started long before looking for a partner.
So here’s what I’ve learned and how I intend to assist you through the Match Society program:
Past relationship trauma doesn’t just go away. Neither does programming from childhood. This is plaguing your courtship experience.
Most people are in need of deep diving inner work to reprogram their behaviors and mindset around courtship and relationships.
A combination of low value behaviors, mindsets, and a disconnect from your authentic self and inner child is triggering your reactions in relationships.
Major shifts can result in major life and relationship changes within months or even weeks for those who are serious about doing the work.
There’s always more to the story. It takes deep diving and a more psychological approach to help people find their match. I want you to have life lasting changes.
Meeting a match is a band aid for the real problem. If you do the proper inner work you will find your own match, effortlessly. You will be able to court with confidence and rid yourself of anxiety, sabotaging behaviors, trust issues, and low value behavior. Most importantly you will attract a quality marriage, which is what you actually desire.
Even if you move on to marriage without the inner work you may still struggle and repeat old relationship habits that will deeply damage your relationship.
The Match Society program is good for you if:
You struggle with confidence, low value behavior, or trust issues in courtship.
You find yourself being defensive or combative and easily emotionally triggered by the opposite sex.
You’ve experienced repeating courtship experiences, almost like deja vu, where your relationships are appearing to be almost the same just different people.
You have fear and blocks around moving forward with courtship and or committing to marriage due to past relationship or childhood traumas.
Despite knowing you desire marriage you continue to settle for non-committal relationships.
You find yourself plagued with negative thoughts about the opposite sex or relationships that contradict your goal of getting married.
You’ve been single for years and can’t figure out why someone with all of your qualities can’t find a partner who values what you have to offer.
You know you have or are settling for less in a partner but don’t have the courage to walk away.
You have a tendency to wait to get left in a courtship or relationship and lack the confidence to end a relationship despite being unhappy.
You don’t feel fully charged in your masculinity or femininity on the inside, no matter how much you believe you appear on the outside, and it’s showing up with how the opposite sex responds to you.
You find yourself resulting to sexual or physical validation whenever you’re feeling low self-worth and don’t know how to break that cycling behavior, which leads to sex outside of marriage and a contradiction of your values.
If this sounds like you, we will quickly shift these behaviors.
Over the next months I will walk you through a proven process with exercises that will drastically change your courtship experience and how you show up in your relationships.
It’s important for you to commit to the work, participate in private groups to practice vulnerability, join meet ups, and do the inner work. All of it. This is a year long commitment because it takes time to make real changes. I want you to dive deep and explore how to reprogram mindsets and actions which have taken years to develop. Again, no gimmicks.
The first step in this process is an intense detox. This detox is mandatory and should be taken very seriously. It’s the key to your success and lifelong changes. You should refer back to this detox anytime you feel the urge to rework the steps to learn more about yourself. I would personally recommend going back through the detox a minimum of every 3-6 months during the program.
The Match Society is designed around the detox portion of the process. Everything comes down to how much detoxing you do and major shifts as a result of ridding yourself of your own toxic behaviors and mindset.
Starting in childhood, you’ve developed beliefs around your value and how you view the opposite sex and relationships. Even if you grew up in a relatively safe, two parent environment you’ve picked up subconscious programming which may be limiting and severely impacting your relationships. As you age and develop bonds with the opposite sex, more beliefs burden your mind and spirit around your worth and what you’re deserving of. These beliefs get triggered every time you encounter something that validates your subconscious belief of being low-value. It doesn’t matter what your profession, zip code, or how attractive you feel on the outside you’re carrying around this heavy baggage.
When the emotional button is pressed, your inner girl is negatively stimulated. This may result in high sensitivity, combativeness, opposite energy behaviors, avoidance, drama, tantrums, anxiety, or feelings of not being good enough. You may instantly have thoughts and fears around your partner leaving you, or always wait for your partner to end the relationship with you while you hold onto a relationship that doesn’t fit your needs and isn’t working.
All of these low value behaviors are keeping you in a courtship spiral. You’ve probably experienced very similar situations where you ask yourself, why does it feel like I keep going through the same thing or meeting the same person? It’s because you are. As many will tell you, you’re the common factor in your relationships. You must detox these behaviors and create a new story for yourself.
Now, I don’t want you to think past relationships makes you a failure or broken. That’s not it at all. Your experiences simply shape and mold how you show up and react in relationships and are lessons for you to make shifts. I don’t want you to react any longer, I want you to respond with clarity and intention. Once you know how to respond and nurture your inner child, you will learn the lesson needed for real change and move past this phase of your journey.
Over the next 4 weeks we will be going through a divine unraveling. You should complete every single exercise.
Week by week we will:
Uncover deep emotional wounds
Heal the inner child and nurture the authentic you
Learn how and why you aren’t being seen by who and how you want
Fully turn around how you show up and view your relationships