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WHAT’S NEEDED

Journal and pen to do the exercises and log your progress. Some actions may require access to a phone or computer.

  1. Quiet space and time to complete the exercises. Each should take 15-60 minutes to complete.

  2. Journal and Pen to log and keep track of progress.

  3. Meditation and Prayer. I would highly suggest to take 5-15 minutes before every exercise to meditate and or pray to clear your thoughts and mind .

  4. Aromatherapy is great for connecting to your feminine energy and relaxing into the exercises. (optional)

  5. Binaural meditation beats to relax and assist with concentration. (optional)

  6. Support. You may need additional support as you go through this course. Participating in the private Captivating Courtship club group is a private outlet for program members. You can share your experiences, thoughts, and questions in the group.


GUILT

 Part two of overcoming your shadow traits in order to detox and be your most authentic self is reducing the amount of guilt you’re carrying. This emotional baggage deeply hinders you from attracting the best partner for you, along with your ability to trust yourself. If you don’t trust yourself you can’t feel whole, and you certainly can’t trust another person.

Guilt can come from different places. Guilt about your past. Guilt about who you think you should be or what you should do. It’s a toxic cycle of blame that leaves you feeling burdened, often carrying the expectations of others in order to receive their approval. Again, this leads to feelings of low-self worth. 

When you feel guilty because of something you should be or should’ve done it disables you from making the best decisions and most of all taking action. The shame lingers. You feel guilt, so you don’t act, and repeat.

For Example:

Before coming to me for coaching or matchmaking so many people struggle with guilt around not being married or being divorced. They’re not living up to other people’s expectations for their love life, and they feel pressure from community or society about what their marital status should be. Forget owning their own individual path and experiences or healing the deeper wounds, they feel ashamed for not being “worthy” of love or commitment. They long for the approval of others to see them as quality or lovable so either two things happen: They avoid taking action because they’re afraid to be seen or they continue to take the same damaging actions and inaction towards changing behaviors that have kept them stuck.

For Example:

I can confess I struggled with this for years as well. For years I was drowning in guilt for starting a matchmaking service fresh out of divorce. How can a divorcee match people? If you can help others why haven’t you helped yourself? It was a huge emotional burden. It took years for me to overcome the guilt, own my experience, accomplishments with matchmaking and knowledge of psychology and the relationship industry, and stop being afraid of being seen and stagnant with inaction so I could attract my partner. My divorce was the very blessing that thrust me to become curious about compatibility and my desire to help so many unhappy singles I knew find partners was my motivation for matchmaking. Yet, others didn’t accept that and passed their emotional baggage onto me. Not only that, the guilt impacted my business as well, causing me to play small and safe. Even though I knew my unique circumstances made an impact and I had much healing to do so I shouldn’t have embodied other people’s beliefs, it wasn’t until I learned to detox and address those wounds of guilt that I was able to quickly manifest my partner and take my business to the next level.

This is why ridding yourself of your guilt wounds and owning your story is important. You know your unique circumstances and you have the power to embrace or change it so no one can use it against you. You don’t have to carry the emotional baggage or others’. Free yourself and watch how quickly your life turns around.

TRUST

If you’re carrying around the baggage of guilt, as mentioned, you’ll also struggle with trust. Not just trusting others but mainly trusting yourself. The trust cycle is a struggle for so many to break because they place the burden on others to do it for them. If you’re constantly distrusting others it’s because you don’t trust yourself. You’re carrying around a lot of guilt and you lack discernment.

Here’s how the Loop of Distrust works:

Bad experience - You go through a bad experience and never forgive yourself for the choice you’ve made. You then make a contract with that experience and decide to never forget it. It seeps deep into your subconscious mind and you create a lens to view the world through that experience.

Distrusting yourself - You distrust yourself and secretly blame yourself for your bad experience. The connection with your gut instinct gets lost. Confidence destroyed, and you disregard all of the good choices you've made. Hard to admit, but you don't know how to break the cycle and trust yourself again.

Attracting Distrust - The oppressor becomes the oppressed. Law of attraction kicks in, and because you don't trust yourself you attract untrustworthy people. The cycle starts over with another bad experience. Since it is easy to recognize bad experiences and untrustworthy people you focus on those two parts of the cycle, but freedom comes with admitting you don't trust yourself and deciding to move forward.


TURNING IT AROUND

The biggest key to changing the burden of guilt you’re carrying is to forgive yourself. It sounds simple, but it’s a lot harder than it sounds. You must fully forgive yourself and own your story. 

Trust your ability to make better decisions. Trust that your past does not define you or your future.

Change your beliefs- Stop attracting negative energy by putting a stop to releasing your own negative energy. Allow yourself to be open to possibilities and new experiences. Be open to the unknown. Break any contracts and agreements with beliefs that don’t position you to be where you want to be in life and relationships.

Live for the moment - Pack your bags for the weekend and pack light. Don't dwell in the past. Embrace the present. Practice being fully present and only focusing on what’s right in front of you. When you are focused too far into the future you become anxious and too far into the past you’ll become weighted. Focus on the here and now, everything else doesn’t exist.


DETOX

Take 5-15 minutes to mediate and pray before starting these exercises. Answer the questions in your journal. You can use binaural beats or aromatherapy as an option to help you to relax and recenter for clarity. You need to be as honest as possible. Dig deep.

Exercise 1 - How have you betrayed yourself?

Journal and list things that bring you guilt. It doesn’t have to be major events, it could be the guilt you feel for not taking your mother out on Mother’s day or ignoring texts from someone who didn’t deserve to be ignored. 

After you write them down, own them.

Do you want to change those things? Determine to break those contracts. 

Example: You’re not a bad daughter for not taking your mother out on Mother’s Day, you were struggling with her not calling on your birthday. Okay, now break the contract. Decide to no longer make this a struggle and feel guilty, and you will do better next year. Leave it alone after that.


Exercise 2 - 3-2-1 Method

This method is to help you address how you’re projecting your trust issues onto others or your shadow traits onto others. Follow the steps with as much transparency as possible.

  1. Pick a person who you struggle to trust (past or present) or someone whom you have difficulty with or possessive over.

  2. Imagine being in front of this person. Describe and write down the qualities they have that upset you, makes it hard for you to trust. Use 3rd party language he, she, it, etc. “He is controlling. She is too emotional”

  3. Journal in response to those feelings how they’ve hurt you. 

  4. Now, put yourself in their shoes. All of those traits you despise, own them. Write them down using “I”, “I am aggressive. I am sneaky.”

  5. Do you see any projection? Do you secretly, deep down inside, embody some of the characteristics that drive you crazy? These qualities are hiding in your shadows

Exercise 3 - Dig into Insecurities

Get transparent about your deep insecurities.

What are they? List all of them, particularly the ones that cause you to avoid being seen or heard.

Besides each one, name why it makes you feel insecure.

Again, why?

Why?

Is there anything you can do to change this insecurity?

Are you willing to change it if you can?

If so, create your security plan or each insecurity.


NEXT STEPS

Proceed to week 4

Going through every exercise and lesson. Set aside time 3-5 days a week to complete the work but pace yourself and give yourself time to fully take in the exercises. If you feel overwhelmed or emotionally overloaded give yourself a break. Find peace in sharing with others, either your personal support systems or in the group. 

Special note* The next 30 days should be a true detox. Which means you may need to create distance from friends, family, or a partner to give yourself space to heal. Any media, forums, or music that resonates with low value or negative energy needs to be purged. This is important. You must make space for change to show up in your life.

Share with us any major shifts or results you experience. I would love to hear from you.


Zara JohnsonComment